If you have a stereotypical Type-A personality like I do, chances are that you keep a bunch of lists. Actually, I think most people have a list of some sort, with the most common ones being the to-do list and the so called bucket list. I don't know about you but I've always had a neurotic and love-hate type of relationship to these lists. Meaning: I had to push myself towards completing/achieving/attaining whatever was on them, rather than being pulled into the task. My objective in this post will be to propose a new way of handling goals in life and perhaps free some of you from becoming a slave to your list.
I just picked up the book "The Desire Map" by Danielle LaPorte which - in short - suggests that you shouldn't focus on the goals themselves but rather on what you want to feel when you complete them. In other words, don't set up goals like: Lose X weight, earn X amount of money, or buy X. Instead, focus on what it is that you're ULTIMATELY trying to reach. One way of looking at the above mentioned examples could be that you're actually craving self confidence, financial freedom, or a sense of status amongst your peers. This conversion of motives was really helpful for me because it forced me to be clear and specific on what the hell it was that I wanted. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get in better shape or that you should leave money on the table. What I am saying though is that rarely will goals of that sort motivate you to take any action and, even worse, reaching them might not give you the sense of accomplishment that you were looking for.
Let me give you a few examples from my life.
Weight loss - Stress from school and work, shitty eating habits and a depression following my tumor removal, were probably some of the causes in play when I got seriously overweight some years ago. Several cycles of yo-yo dieting had me against the ropes. Losing weight and putting it all back on made me feel miserable. As if I had zero self control and just moved from one impulse on to the next one. Sadly, the first progress I had was due to silly external motives. Like impressing women I had been rejected by or just planning some dreamy revenge, where I'd show up ripped as hell and everyone would be super impressed. This did not work out for long... It did however, make me reconsider my goals in search of a more compelling reason. The result? I realized that I wanted to feel strong, energized and revitalized. I'm over-simplifying of course, there was a lot of emotional issues and poor habits to be dealt with and so on. But imagining what it would feel like to move around in a fit and healthy body served me a lot more, than white knuckling some diet regimen in order to be the alpha male at a future imaginary social gathering.
Money - In the spirit of the previous paragraph, I'd like to begin by unpacking the need for more money. Is it really a treasure chest of gold you want in your living room? All jokes aside, often times the desire for money alone (for me anyway) was either due to lack of clarity or because of social pressure. You don't want to be the person who's chronically overworked and barely gets to see his/her family and loved ones. At least not to perpetuate a grand image of yourself by going into debt or just spending lots of money on stuff you don't even want or need. We need to become more conscious about the effects of advertising and plain peer pressure on our consuming habits.
Wouldn't you agree that the things we're actually looking for (beyond financial stability) are TIME and RESOURCES to have fun? I.e. the option to avoid unpleasant activities and maximize the positive ones. In many cases money does help a lot, but my point is that you can reverse-engineer a lifestyle that supports your passions and true needs by making more active choices. It makes no sense to me that some people spend the better part of their lives in jobs that they hate, trapped in a high standard of living or just marching towards the promise of a comfortable retirement. Who the hell knows if you're even alive by then? #Knowaddamsayin? Now the only reason why I'm being sarcastic about it is because I was THAT guy, heading full speed towards emotional bankruptcy. Fortunately I'd like to think that I became more self aware and now spend the most of my time on things I want to be doing anyway. My lists got significantly shorter since I was able to shave off the non-essential bullshit goals on them. And the remaining ones give me a reason to wake up in the morning.
Conclusion - I want to be transparent about the main motive behind this post. Some of you might have gotten value out of the tips on creating more exciting and specific goals. Yet my suspicion is that many human desires and goals stem from a need for more stuff, while at the same time living in a world with finite resources. I don't want to be just another foam-mouthed guy who tells you to live a meaningful life by following your heart or to save the environment. These things are not only related, but absolutely necessary for any serious attempt to find happiness whatsoever. People's lives and relationships, major institutions and whole countries are being ruined by overconsumption. We've completely lost all sense of proportion and need to have a collective mindset shift about this. We are witnessing the degradation and rampant destruction of our planet, numb or in denial of the soon-to-be irreversible effects that await us, all FOR WHAT? Listen I like to buy camera gear, books and spend a decent amount of money on travels. I imagine you've got a week spot for something. At least enjoy the stuff you're buying, don't just fill your house with crap you never even wanted in the first place. As a society we cannot afford it. And as an individual you will become liberated.
I'd like to end with a story that my mom once told me about the best birthday present that she ever got. Just talking about it made her light up. As a young girl in Ukraine during the 60's, her aunt took her to the circus and I can tell that the experience still brings back vivid memories of that day. Now how many impersonal gifts from the store would have that effect?
I rest my case...